In spite of the din Jemima had to be forcibly restrained from assisting in

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In spite of the din, Jemima had to be forcibly restrained from assisting in the excavation. The cats predictably absented themselves, fleeing to the sanctuary of the hay bales. But, come dusk, they sought to return to their usual haunts, only to find everything still in chaos.Their persistence reminded me of the time we moved an ark-and-fold in which our chickens spent the night, from a field to the bottom of the garden - a distance of barely 100 yards. The birds seemed quite unable to appreciate that their house had shifted; so firmly hefted were they to their old territory that for night after night they went and camped on the bare hillside where the ark had stood, at the mercy of any passing fox, and as dark closed in we had to carry them in to safety one by one.Now the cats are behaving in a similar fashion, and it is difficult to find a way of explaining to them that in two or three weeks' time the status quo will be restored - with the important innovation that, for the first time in its history, their playing-field will be level.. Christmas Lighting-up Ceremony West Piazza, Covent Garden, London WC2 (0171-836 9136) today, 6pm, free Father Christmas, the market's Hairy Fairy and a firework show will get the festive season off with a bang when the Evening Standard Christmas Tree is lit up in aid of the Bobby Moore Fund for Imperial Cancer Research. Kipper Border's, 203 Oxford Street, London W1 (0171-292 1600) today, 11am, freeMike Inkpen's character Kipper will appear in the children's department of this huge book, music and video store. There will be readings from Kipper stories, plus quizzes and activities.Make Your Own Christmas Card The London Brass Rubbing Centre, The Crypt, St Martins-in-the Fields, Trafalgar Sq, WC2 (0171-930 9306) today 10am- 6pm, tomorrow noon-6pmMake your own Christmas cards for pounds 1.50 using special seasonal brasses, or try any of the medieval, Tudor and Celtic brass designs on offer.Lord Mayor's Show London (0171-332 1456)today, 11am onwards, freeWith more than 6,500 participants and 20 marching bands, the Lord Mayor's Show (below) takes to the streets of London today in what is now one of the world's biggest parades.

A speaker engaged in a similar enterprise would precede the anecdotes with, "It was last Tuesday - no, I tell a lie. It was...", but happily the discipline of having to write it down prevents too many irritating diversions. The author's mind wanders, but we are pleased to follow him off the beaten track of linear thought into those misty, tangled areas where, in truth, we all spend much of our time without usually mentioning it to anyone else unless we are slightly drunk.He makes his intentions clear on the first page: "My hope when I began work on these odd hybrids was rather to dramatise an intimate relation between reflections that are timeless and ongoing stories of our lives." Every idea here expressed, he tells us, he has since found in the writings of two centuries or even two millennia ago. Adultery & Other Diversions by Tim Parks Secker & Warburg, pounds 12.99, 184ppTHIS BOOK is something like the written equivalent of "thinking aloud", at once discursive and intuitive. It is a series of meditations on what Jack Trevor Story called "orsorafings" and the style is catching like a distinctive voice. "And it is no substitute, believe me."A more substantial defence would be that the country seems a great deal more interesting by the end of the book than it did at the beginning.

What the hell: Pearson's main excuse is that he is really funny. Do not read this book in a public place - especially if the public place happens to be in Belgium Pricking the Walloon, as it were.. He gives credit to the Walloons (French-speakers) who invented pigeon- racing. He gets a cheap laugh by crediting the Flemish (Dutch-speakers) with the invention of "finch sport", which involves counting birds' chirrups .Serious travellers may dismiss Pearson as a member of the "There's a foreigner - let's giggle" brigade.